Some people say that men like toxic women and that they get bored of the nice women, and they go look for the toxic women. That is partly right. Like, nice girls are boring when it comes to dating, but you don’t have to be toxic to get your guy. You actually can be kind. Here’s the thing. Men don’t like toxic women, just like you don’t like assholes.
Our job is to get out of that nice girl persona, which many of you all have been raised to be in. If you’re a church girl, if you’re a woman of color, if you are a smart girl, that is probably how you’ve been raised. My job as a dating coach is to help women get out of that mentality and get into their kind girl era.
So I think of nice girls in one category and kind girls in another. I call ‘nice girl’ daughter energy and I also call that intern energy, where you’re always trying to prove yourself for your parents love or trying to get the job! Nice girls act based on other people’s expectations. Kind women and kind girls focus on acting based on how they’re feeling.
Nice girls have poor boundaries. Kind girls have very healthy boundaries. Nice girls really are people pleasing and kind girls please themselves. Why is this important? It’s important because men are attracted and bond based on their vasopressin levels and fall in love when their cortisol is higher (that is the stress hormone)! And so, girl, we gotta stress these guys out!
How do we do that? By being kind. If you are focused on your feelings, he’s gonna have to manage your feelings. If you have clear boundaries, he’s gonna be stressed out trying to figure out where your boundaries are and stay within them. If you are focused on pleasing yourself and not him, he is also going to be stressed and making sure that you are pleased as well.
All of those things are going to bond him more and more and more to you. So if you found yourself being the nice girl but chronically single, no shade girl! If you want to learn how to be more kind in your dating life versus being the nice girl, definitely book a call and let me know if this has helped.
Prioritizing BDB in Dating
I always remind myself every time I see Carrie and Big from ‘Sex and the City’ on the screen together about this concept that I’ve coined called ‘Between Date Behavior’ (BDB).
So in the relationship between Carrie and Big, she was always hyper focused on the time that they had together. While they were on the date and so many women actually date this way and I don’t want you to date this way. I actually don’t care what happens on the date.
I want you to prioritize the BDB… what happens between the dates because that’s what’s going to actually give you a better understanding if this guy is going to be a great boyfriend or not. When you are in a relationship with a man 90 percent of the time you will not be in his physical presence. So you actually have to feel super connected to him while you all are not together. And that’s why the BDB is so important when you’re navigating dating and in relationships.
Most women don’t prioritize that. They’re so hyper focused on the time together being amazing without realizing that you will probably only be with your guy during dating 10% of the week. , I don’t want you to date that way. If you want to learn how to date differently. Let me know…do you focus on the date or the BDB?
Whenever You Are Ready
Here are 3 ways I can help you:
- Book A Call With Me – I’ve been getting A LOT of DM and email requests for to chat with me and answer specific questions about love, dating, relationships, and men so I’m opening back up my limited calendar for a few calls. So book a time with me here!
- Join the Get Your Guy Club- Wanna have Dating Support for a year to help you get your guy but at your own pace. You can get access to my weekly group calls, my private Facebook group, and my online course with 25+ hours of content for just monthly payments of $250…
- Check Out the Get Your Guy Coaching Podcast- With almost 100 episodes, you can binge and learn so much with my podcast. The latest episode is all about love addiction, check it out here.
Sincerely,
Coach Anwar
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